The Grand Finale

Dear Men,

So, do you see me. Do you see me now?

Every word you’ve ever said to me is instilled in my mind. Breaking me down to finally feeling worthless of myself. I shouldn’t have listened. I shouldn’t have walked into the room. I shouldn’t have slowly taken off my pants while I decide if I should leave or not. But, you made me feel something. Half the time I just wanted that quick fix of having someone there. Having someone look at me and see me. After I would feel numb again looking for another quick fix, like a bad itch I needed to scratch. You didn’t see me. You saw an opportunity to make me feel safe an important just to get me into bed. Why? Why, do we all have to play the game? Why do we give in? There was one main factor in this all and as much as I want to blame you men for everything , I can’t. I have to take some accountability. I was the one still in that room. I was the one taking off my pants. I was the one giving into those sweet words only to hear for one night. My confidence was low. My self worth? Well, there was none. The diagnosis of MRKH took complete control and I slowly thought one night can’t hurt, right? I can’t get pregnant so who cares. This thought still troubles me. I can’t believe I could ever feel that worthless. I use to think that I couldn’t be alone. I was scared of the feeling of having nobody there. Nobody wanting me because I couldn’t be the conventional women to carry a child. You see, that feeling was simply the fact that I didn’t understand who I was and my self worth. I didn’t have the confidence and would seek it out any chance I could. Not anymore. I’m taking control of my life and how I want to spend my time. I am not afraid of being alone because for once in my life, I am finally happy with myself. I have self worth. This world was meant for us to live in it and I will be damned if I let some man decide my future and my time because of my inability to have self confidence. We are all worth it, and we are all enough. When you don't understand who you are, you sometimes fixate on a person where you aren’t able to be without that person, I was. But, that’s not okay. You need to stand on your own and understand that you don’t need to have that person. What you need is your own self worth, your own goals, and your own confidence. If you can do both than that’s incredible. But, you have to learn how to be okay on your own and love who you are to fully to grasp the meaning of loving someone unconditionally. It’s easy to fall in love. But, when you love yourself and your future and decide to bring more love into your heart. Not because you can’t live without them but simply because they make your life even better and brighter. Than, that’s the love I want. So, men I take accountability for myself. When do you take accountability for your actions? I forgive the lies, I forgive you for not calling me back, I forgive your disrespectful words of telling me what to look like, I forgive you for saying you love me but later saying it was nothing more than friendship, I forgive you for being incompetent and still pressuring me when I say I DON’T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU, and I forgive your inability to seek something more than just a one-night stand. This girl, the one writing to you, she has self worth and confidence. She, is making her comeback and if you’re worth her time, well, you will know. Yeah, I bet you see me now.