The Love Letter Never Sent

You looked at me. That’s all it took for me to be hooked on you. You smiled and I melted. You kissed me and I felt calmness completely overtake my body. Thoughts rushed throughout my head. Was this another swipe right bullshit? The social dating app scene became more and more disappointing. Everyone always has their comments about how I fall easily. Searching for love clouds my judgment on men. But, you were different. I felt it. You didn’t leave. For some insane reason, I think they will all leave me. It’s my own insecurities in all honesty.

I pressed a hand against my cheek and felt the burning sensation. I stared into your blue eyes, I saw you, and my whole body shook. The hairs stood up on the back of my neck and I knew this wasn’t going to be, a one night stand, kind of thing. I’ve never been one to be addicted to something, but you were a full-on addiction. I would try not to call and play the game everyone talks about. I hid my feelings an acted like you were another pawn in my game of chess. I’m not one to show my cards but everyone makes mistake. You were honest. Honest about how you felt about me. We were tangled up in a web of love and lust. I thought I understood. I wanted to understand. Hoping and praying for a different ending, I put expectations upon you. Weeks turned into months and seeing even a glimpse of your intoxicating light made me beg for more. I wanted more.

Life can be hard with trying to figure out who you are and what you want. But, you knew what you wanted, you knew yourself. I liked that…No, I loved that about you. You tried holding me up to the light which made me illuminate confidence which was hidden. You believed in me more than I believed in myself. But, in between in the chaos, I still lost sight of what I wanted or who I was. All I knew was I wanted you. You were right. The timing just wasn’t right for us. We weren't a perfect match even though I prayed we would be. I wanted us to fit so badly I made up things in my mind to tell me not to give up on you. My heart felt empty, my mind still confused even though all the cards were laid out perfectly. In the fairytales you hope for that cinderella moment, even just a glimpse. But, for me, that clock struck midnight, you looked at me and watched me go, I picked up the glass slipper and kept going to find the person I had once known.

Sometimes, you can’t choose your ending or wait for the timing to be just right. Sometimes, all you can do is to keep going and eventually everything will fall into place.

Even finding love in Los Angeles.

Love, The Unknown Girl of LA